Cameo.

thats all thats floating in my brain , ta-ta for now*

What I've been.

Lately I've been something other than myself. I've been negative, pessimistic and blah. I really don't know what's been getting under my skin, but its bothering me. I don't socialize anymore, I don't even enjoy what I used to enjoy. I've secluded myself from everyone and everything to the point all i do is over analyze my situation and what I got myself into. I sit here at work not being able to greet customers properly cause I'm not functioning right. Off this I got and turn to music to put my mind at ease.

change.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time, We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek" - Barack Obama

People dont like change. We get accustomed to our surroundings and our environments. Our comfort levels are diminshed when we go into a place unknown. When do we know that we're ready for change? Will we ever be ready?

As humans, we are also mammals. Mammals get used to routines and habits so everything in life is a habit.

drink it down

live it up

summer nights

gorgeous summer night , that our young life will enjoyy

That Girl.

We got that waiting in the clinic silence. That shhh dont tell nobody what we did silence and Im so tired of being your hamper that Im about to dump out those week old stained ketchup secrets and do laundry in that silence you like keeping. But my vagina is not your walk in closet. You wanna stuff your unmentionables through me, wanna place to hang up you insecurities, want me to keep check of you hami downs and prada, waiting for every occassion to put me back behind closed doors and lock me in the darkness. Nobody knows you hold my hand and nobody knows I call you baby and nobody know you write annonymous poems about me the type you cant post on Facebook. Because regardless of what you may think, Im worth more than you deserve. I will never be that girl, the girl thats only allowed to make you smile when shes making you orgasm, that girl whose day job is daydreaming waiting for her night job. That girl whos so in love she'll turn her body over for your superficial touch. You hide me behind lock doors and bedsheets because if you dare reached out then everybody would still know that it was still about me. So that in your heart and in your mind your still wrapped up in me. My teardrops you own them, my hearts says you got them tied around your pencils and figures. Yea, you may say its over and you may never tell me that you love me but you dont have to cause your silence speaks volume. You wanna hold me in your arms rock me to sleep then act like you dont know me. As if the moments we spent together are some kind of down payment. As if my bedroom were lay away and thats all you ever do is layaway roll up beside me but in the morning pull up the hoodie and run the other way. Im like that bastard child the reason Daddy never stucka round in the first place but for me rejection doesnt come every other weekend.. It comes when you lower your head and pass by without speaking and I remember there was a time you could barely take your eyes off me. I just dont understand why its not okay for you to love me. I guess you just want me to be that girl.. the girl everbody wants to sleep with but nobody wants to be with. That girl whose only good enouch for finding a suitable replacement. And not trying to make up for the mistake but you try to convince yourself that she means everything and you want nothing to do with me but come on baby she looks that she means everything and you want nothing to do with me but come on baby she looks just like me. Read the signs or at least the facial features cause I was your first, your only the prototype and shes just a duplicate and you can never make copies without first consulting the blueprint! You know what they say the sequel is never better than the original. And she tries to write you stories but their only half as good, so half squinting you only hold her half as tight as you should. Cause your other half is tangled between my bedsheets, and your other half is complete within my mind, soul, and body, and your other half is french tonguing me Monday through Firday. Im not fighting for joint custody. Im fighting for RESPECT cause I will never be content with being your back door hoe. Your something on the side, your something to do on those lonely weekends, your closet freak You will never produce me to be a skank and a whore that will love you. Id rather spend everynight crying alone on my bedroom floor than to ever be "THAT GIRL"

new moon.

"You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
Edward Cullen, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.510

infinite love.

many as me why i have 'infinite love' tattooed on me .. and whats the meaning , the meaning is what it is . love thats infinite . but its directed to the people in my life that i truely care about and love , that ill do ANYTHING for . theres one person other than my biological father than will NEVER ever be replaced in my heart , thats Ricardo Sanchez Jr :) , through thick and thin , through tears and laughter , through the fights and the hugs , he's been the person i turn to . yes thats infinite love for the 2nd most important guy in my life ..

btl.

someone asked me what BTL means.

BTL (v) : blog till later

haha i was bored so i made it up.

not again.

so here i go again , moving to a new apartment :( this new location is DEFINITELY not my taste but i gotta do what i gotta do so i can have a roof over my head. i bought new paint, fixtures, faucets, etc so i can feel comfortable in this new place. this weather sucks too , so wish me luck BTL -xoxo